Missing

I've only been vaguely comprehending that they died three years ago. Plenty of reminders for sure, like Thanksgiving, my c-section scar (since cleaned up by my last OB), their absence. Their actual death day, the 24th, was like any normal day: up at 5:30 to nurse LR, at work by 7, doing the usual routine. At a meeting I noted the date in my notebook, paused a bit, then drew angel wings on either side of the date with the initial C in the arc of one wing, N in the other. My micro tribute. Only three people at my company know that we had babies who died, but not the date. It's OK, I don't need sad OMG I don't know what to say looks.

And so today, the third Thanksgiving without our girls, the second one with our boy. We are so grateful for our family, for what we have made with our lives, what we have yet to do, to create. I try to keep everything in perspective, I play pain olympics with myself, "it could be worse," and I make the best of our situation. (That's a very loaded statement, not for this blog, and a constant for me if I am to move forward and make progress.)

I am so excited to spend the next three days with my boys, big and little. What a welcome break!


- Posted using BlogPress on a full belly thanks to my aunt for hosting the feast