Happy Birthday to our girls Cerina and Nadia, who would have turned six today.
We can't believe we are still surviving without you.
Love,
Mama, Papa and LR
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Completed
Like a school semester, I am done with bedrest. Only I remember a semester being 15 weeks, and bedrest was 34 weeks minus 13 equals 21 weeks. I had grand plans for bedrest: learn a new language; learn to play the guitar; pick up yoga again (not); learn a new a hobby. I did the last one, thanks to YouTube. I learned to crochet!
This is a big deal. Crochet seemed to be the only thing that would relax me, that I could do for hours on end, that didn't make me tired, and I could catch up on tv shows (distracting) or listen to music (easier). I spent the whole summer making fingerless gloves for my girlfriends, scarves, hats, coasters, washcloths, neck warmers, and a bunch of granny square coasters for my baby shower that my two awesome friends hosted.
I'm still very much a beginner, and I can't decipher crochet patterns worth a damn. This is so much fun, and my son has learned the difference between knitting (2 sticks) and crocheting (1 stick), and he knows that Mama crochets. Funny: my husband bought me a knitting magazine (mistake) for my birthday, and every chance he gets, he gives it to our son to "give to Mama." I grin and roll my eyes every time but tell him thank you and give him a big hug and kiss.
Unfortunately, being on bedrest has again made me a hermit. I have a bunch of cousins in the area, but the only one who is close to my age we don't have much in common except for having kids and moms who are sisters. Maybe a part of us won't open up for whatever reason. My other friends live an hour or more away, and they have kids of their own. I've tried mom's groups but didn't connect with anyone. Granted I didn't give it enough time, but I didn't have much in common with 20-somethings who did not have the unfortunate experience of losing a child.
Excuses, excuses. As I get older it is harder to make friends, so extra effort is needed. I get it.
Other things of note: I am 35 weeks tomorrow! Only two more progesterone shots! Cerclage removal on the 26th, at 36 weeks 1 day! We are looking at 12/18 for the planned c-section! I am excited for her arrival but not looking forward to being sleepless for the next year!
All this blogging is keeping me from finishing my crochet project. I don't have much time before baby girl arrives so I need my fingers to fly! Woo-hoooo!!
This is a big deal. Crochet seemed to be the only thing that would relax me, that I could do for hours on end, that didn't make me tired, and I could catch up on tv shows (distracting) or listen to music (easier). I spent the whole summer making fingerless gloves for my girlfriends, scarves, hats, coasters, washcloths, neck warmers, and a bunch of granny square coasters for my baby shower that my two awesome friends hosted.
I'm still very much a beginner, and I can't decipher crochet patterns worth a damn. This is so much fun, and my son has learned the difference between knitting (2 sticks) and crocheting (1 stick), and he knows that Mama crochets. Funny: my husband bought me a knitting magazine (mistake) for my birthday, and every chance he gets, he gives it to our son to "give to Mama." I grin and roll my eyes every time but tell him thank you and give him a big hug and kiss.
Unfortunately, being on bedrest has again made me a hermit. I have a bunch of cousins in the area, but the only one who is close to my age we don't have much in common except for having kids and moms who are sisters. Maybe a part of us won't open up for whatever reason. My other friends live an hour or more away, and they have kids of their own. I've tried mom's groups but didn't connect with anyone. Granted I didn't give it enough time, but I didn't have much in common with 20-somethings who did not have the unfortunate experience of losing a child.
Excuses, excuses. As I get older it is harder to make friends, so extra effort is needed. I get it.
Other things of note: I am 35 weeks tomorrow! Only two more progesterone shots! Cerclage removal on the 26th, at 36 weeks 1 day! We are looking at 12/18 for the planned c-section! I am excited for her arrival but not looking forward to being sleepless for the next year!
All this blogging is keeping me from finishing my crochet project. I don't have much time before baby girl arrives so I need my fingers to fly! Woo-hoooo!!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Vulnerable
As this progressively growing belly marks my body, I can't help but feel like a target.
I am decidedly paranoid about being out by myself in public, or out with my son. I feel like someone would take one or both of us, as defenseless as I am.
Is this crazy thinking??? Isn't it good to be a little paranoid?
I don't even want to take him to the park. I know we aren't royalty, we don't have jackshit wealth, but still. I've probably read too many stories about babies being cut out of wombs by {crazy} women who told their partners they were pregnant to keep them around, so hell they'd better have something to show for it...geez. Plus, I feel safer being at home where there is no chance of getting in a car accident.
So this morning, I am enjoying a seasonal peppermint mocha at the coffee shop. I am in public. After this I'll go check out Tuesday Morning for an immersion blender since we received too many onions and carrots in the CSA box, and the food processor is too much work to get out and clean once I'm done.
And I'll watch my back the whole time.
(Excuse any typos. Blogging on a tiny device.)
I am decidedly paranoid about being out by myself in public, or out with my son. I feel like someone would take one or both of us, as defenseless as I am.
Is this crazy thinking??? Isn't it good to be a little paranoid?
I don't even want to take him to the park. I know we aren't royalty, we don't have jackshit wealth, but still. I've probably read too many stories about babies being cut out of wombs by {crazy} women who told their partners they were pregnant to keep them around, so hell they'd better have something to show for it...geez. Plus, I feel safer being at home where there is no chance of getting in a car accident.
So this morning, I am enjoying a seasonal peppermint mocha at the coffee shop. I am in public. After this I'll go check out Tuesday Morning for an immersion blender since we received too many onions and carrots in the CSA box, and the food processor is too much work to get out and clean once I'm done.
And I'll watch my back the whole time.
(Excuse any typos. Blogging on a tiny device.)
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Unfairness
Her twin pregnancy was pretty uneventful. Everything went according to plan; perfectly operating cervix, perfectly placed placenta, no gestational diabetes, no preterm labor, no preeclampsia. No problems whatsoever. The beautiful boy and gorgeous girl were delivered at 37 weeks and some odd days. Full term.
One week later, the girl baby, the smaller of the two by 10 oz., died. SIDS. This was yesterday.
My brother and sister-in-law are devastated. We are in complete shock, and feeling helpless. At 32 weeks, I can't fly nor drive to be with them. My brother is in survival mode and he understandably hasn't gotten back to me via phone. My mother is there with them (shit, she has to go through another grandchild's death), which is hopefully giving them some comfort.
Damn unfairness.
One week later, the girl baby, the smaller of the two by 10 oz., died. SIDS. This was yesterday.
My brother and sister-in-law are devastated. We are in complete shock, and feeling helpless. At 32 weeks, I can't fly nor drive to be with them. My brother is in survival mode and he understandably hasn't gotten back to me via phone. My mother is there with them (shit, she has to go through another grandchild's death), which is hopefully giving them some comfort.
Damn unfairness.
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