Ties

I have big knots in my belly after reading Sara's post about insensitive relatives. I've been meaning to post about this since Father's Day but didn't want to spoil wannabe dad's day. Now that enough time has passed, the floodgates are open.

I am officially done with my FIL. He is selfish and insensitive and has absolutely no shame for his character. He's the one who told wannabe dad the Wednesday before the 24th that he didn't believe in what we were doing (removing the girls from the ventilators), because it was against his religion (hmm, we're the same screwed up catholics), but his wife told him he should support us so that's what he was doing.

It gets better!

FIL, his wife E and her kids didn't come to the funeral. I'm not upset about that. FIL went into the hospital the Thursday before 12/2, a pretty serious matter that concerned his heart. Having had two prior heart attacks, his was operating at something like 40% of normal. On Tuesday, a day after the girls were buried, heavy with grief [cue bawling now], leaking milk and in pain from the c-section, we paid FIL the obligatory hospital visit an hour away. My parents were still in town and came with us. FIL seemed to be in good spirits although he was still waiting to see a specialist. E was kind and in her broken English told us how sorry she was.

Fast forward 6 months to Father's Day. Wannabe dad called him with greetings while en route to the cemetery. In a nutshell, FIL called his son ungrateful, that we didn't care about him, that E's kids care about him more than his own 3 sons, that we didn't even visit him in the hospital. FIL also asked what we were doing that day, if we were able to join them for lunch, but wannabe dad responded that we were going to the "cemetario", which FIL understood as "San Mateo" even after repeating it several times. So in FIL's mind, we were going to San Mateo to have fun when we should have been worshipping him instead!

On Monday, wannabe dad spoke with his younger brother L who relayed that "Dad's really hurt and upset," and let me just say that L didn't spend the day with his dad either, having spent the day with his own family. Wannabe dad explained to L that Father's Day wasn't just about their dad; that it was very difficult for him, that nobody called him (except for my awesome Mom), and that he wasn't going to take the crap. L is awesome because understood and apologized for not realizing. At least he's willing.

Two Sundays have passed. The message wannabe dad leaves is the same: Calling to see how you're doing. We're going to the cemetery to visit the niñas and Mama. Hope you are doing well. Call me when you have a chance.