Battles

Me vs. AF
Super size me, Kote.x. Are all postpartum periods like this? I've resorted to monster-sized pads because even super plus gargantuan tampons are no match for this battle. I also keep expecting some retained placenta to rush out like a dirty secret. This is the period after the cycle in which I ovulated (for me it's every other), so at least there's a pattern, although a much different pattern than before my pregnancy.

Me vs. Denim
It's at least interesting. I'm not depressed or stressed about this, like I am when I have to cram my ass in my new-used jeans right when they're freshly washed. Even though they're low cut, when I sit the waistband squeezes me two inches below my bellybutton, and at the right position my scar gets pinched. I think I need to go back to the recycled clothing store (remember the compact) and find something that fits me without squeezing me. Just need to find the time.

Us vs. Them
We've been such hermits. It's certainly much easier to be "okay" when it's just the three of us (gotta include the kitty, who is now neutered after being a tomcat all over the couch and the rug and the curtains). I don't have to brace myself for every insensitive comment or unwanted advice, or excuse someone for "not meaning it", or wonder why no one is asking me about the girls, or figure out why someone hasn't called. Grief is a very lonely place.

Me vs. Snappy
And after hearing the mailroom guy tell someone that his nephew had "another girl, he gets to suffer like I did with four girls", and spending time figuring out why I didn't say some snappy comment, replaying the could-have-been-ugly scene in my head, it's really much easier not to be around people.

My Mind vs. Newborns
One of the many expected babies that I know of was born last week. I was left off the family email distribution (wannabe dad's side), but I read it on his email. We got the family a Tget gift card, but I have no plans to see the baby, a girl, 10 pounds 6 oz. I honestly don't know how I would react, and I certainly don't want to cry all over a baby. The other shoes will drop in a few weeks, two in a few months, many more after that.

PIM vs. Them
Some of the family members of parents in mourning from our support group have asked them, "Why don't you want to see [your brother's/cousin's/sister's] baby? Why should he have to suffer, it's not his fault." I have pondered this, and it's not a matter of making anyone suffer. The parents are the ones who are suffering, and to say that they are making someone else suffer because they're not sharing in the joy of a newborn is selfish. I would like to believe that most of our family/friends would not think we were making anyone suffer by not sharing in their joy.

Blogging vs. Sleep
I've been catching up on blogs for most of the day, when I should have been working (home biz is AWESOME! working all the time leaves little room for socializing). But for now, sleep must win so I can work more tomorrow. But one more.

Thoughts of Na.dia & Ceri.na vs. Busy Working
I amaze myself that I can constantly think of our girls even during a hectic, frantic day. I never want to forget them, and I never want to get so busy that I forget to think about them. Never.