Papa

How do I feel? I feel old. When I was young I could read a street sign a half a block away. When I was young I could hear footsteps outside my house. When I was young I could jump off my parents' rooftop and not feel a thing. When I was young I could remember the words of a song. 

Now it's hard to see, hear and remember the important things. I feel like a horrible father and husband when I have to look at my baby girls' bracelet to remember their birthday. I do miss them. Some things I do remember: walking with them to the NICU when they were born and how scared and helpless I felt. Having the worst turkey at the Marriott the day before we took our girls off the ventilators. The pain I felt calling my family to give them the bad news. The doctor coming into our small room and looking in our eyes and giving us the sad news. Designing our girls' gravemarker. I feel sad when I have a quiet moment alone with my girls in my head. 

Today was one of those days that it was too busy to think and remember until now. I love you my twin angels, Papa will always love you and remember your tiny hands and how you touched us two years ago and how you still touch us today. God bless you both.