Was

In anticipation of this day, I remember what it was like last year. Innocence intact, happiness abundant, babies developing quite nicely at 16 weeks. We had a quiet celebration planned at the mixed-oriental cuisine restaurant, then people [and food] started showing up -- two college girlfriends (one was late as usual), my cousins, then plates of sushi, calamari, pad thai, general tsao's chicken. Cooked stuff and mocktails for me, raw fish and Asa.hi for them.



Wannabe dad scoured a 20 mile radius area for my favorite, lemon cake. Alas, nothing, save for a lemon-frosted vanilla cake. He also managed to drum up a piano, and snuck it in the house while we were still at lunch.

It was a happy time, and when I look at the pictures from my birthday last year I am amazed at how my face has changed. Others may not see it, but I definitely do. Even if I am laughing like crazy the sadness is there, just below the surface.

Happy somber birthday to me. I was actually relieved to shed some tears this morning as I read through the cards from wannabe dad, the fur family, and the girls. It's been a while for these eyes.